Re-entry

Here we go again. I descend into my pit of despair.
But I'll accept my fate and all its trimmings.
I could drop further by saying, "Who could care?"
Now, all I'm waiting for is when the fat lady to sings.

So don't extend your hand. Don't give me a ladder.
If I want to return to the world, I will on my own.
But for now, I will willingly become sadder.
Just to let my mind roam.

I will find my answers that I seek and so forth.
But I'll do it in my own time, without any pressure.
I will succeed and return to life metamorphed.
But until then, the answers have to be sure.

I know I'm not stable and I can't stand tall.
I know I will end life like it begun. In my own arms.
If anyone knows me at all.
There will be no final psalms.

But that is the end and this is now. I'll do what I must.
So, re-entry into my own personal hell is the first step.
I will lose everything I am again, especially trust.
And I will disregard that wonderful pep.

It sounds like I'm going somewhere. But I'm not.
The truth is, as silly as it may be.
I'll revisit my past from time of my cot.
And search the past that could only reside within me.

This may hurt more than any pain before, damn yeah.
But, like I said, this is something I have to do.
This is a burden that only I can bear.
And at the end of my re-entry, I'll return in some form, but I'll know what is true.